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  • Zierra Danna

Today, I am Tired

I’m one of those “lucky” moms because my child sleeps through the night. I should be “thankful” because my baby doesn’t cry for “no reason”. I am “blessed” because I get a “break” by going to work so that I can have some alone time. “Enjoy it”, they say, when you tell them you’re tired from your long day. Most days I can agree with these compliments. But today, all of their words are just quotes in my writing as I try to explain that every day isn’t always that lucky.

Moms have been moms since the beginning of time. I don’t believe that it’s gotten any harder to be a mom, however some parts of your social media might make you believe that. Every mom is different. Every mom is going through their own battle. Some of us are experienced. Some of us fill every day with Google searches and countless calls to our own mothers. Some of us went back to work. Some of us are still in school. Some of us have a support system. Some of us do not. Some of us are just moms, and that’s OK, too.

Before I had this title, I never realized that motherhood was a clique and in order to stay in the Super Mom clique, I needed to do everything that every other Super Mom on Facebook was doing. No, I’m not talking about not vaccinating. I’m talking about the every day judgment you receive if you post a picture of your child in front of a TV. These moms become monsters if you mention starting rice cereal for your very hungry 4 month old. Oh, and goodness forbid you ever post about your mental state. You’re tired? Keep that to yourself. You feel sad? Automatic thought you’re going through Postpartum Depression. You post too many pictures of your child? You are just so obsessed with them. You’re all smiling in those pictures? That must be fake. When did moms become so judgmental of one another? Shouldn’t we all be standing together against those on your newsfeed who are saying that you should breast feed your child in a dirty public restroom instead? Aren’t those people our real enemies?

Some of the Super Moms won’t agree with me. Some will never admit they feel different now that they’re a mom. Me? I’m not afraid to not be a Super Mom. I was never a cool kid anyway. I’m just going to be a Real Mom, and being real is saying to yourself that sometimes it’s OK to not be OK.

I’m sure I’m not the first to tell you that it’s a lot of work, but it’s not impossible. No matter what other thing you’re doing besides just being a mom, it’s going to take some time management skills. Then once you have your schedule down, it’s going to change. Then it’s going to change again. And again.

You’re going to feel a range of emotions for months and months after you have your baby. You’re going to feel sad sometimes, but you’ll also feel happy. You’ll feel anxious, but content. You’ll feel regret, but also appreciation for the life you have now. You’ll feel every emotion eventually, or maybe all at the same time. They’ll rain down on you and you won’t even know what hit you.

The most important thing to understand is that sometimes nothing’s wrong with your baby when they cry. They’re just going to want you and only you. Today has been a “mom” day for my daughter. I’ve heard the complaints from family members already that she is “spoiled” and I have her “ruined”, but according to any research I’ve done, her strong attachment to me just means that she’s developing normally as a little human.

Today I am tired, but I’m not complaining. Today I am tired, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not going to get all of the chores done. Today I am tired, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not going to go to work. Today I am tired, but it doesn’t mean that I’m going to skip my classes.

Yes, today I am tired, but I’m still happy to be her mom.

-Z

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©2020 Created by Zierra Danna Treshock